The player is currently in Qatar for England’s Friendly match against Brazil, but the aircraft he and his team mates travelled on was reported to be too small and cramped. The superstars usually have luxury planes with reclining beds for long haul trips, however this time the seven hour flight was taken on a regular charter plane usually used on short haul journeys. Several players complained of muscle ache and cramp during the flight, however it was the next morning at their first training session that Lampard broke down with a left thigh injury when he tried to sprint following his initial warm up routine.

Chelsea are furious that one of their star players may now be out for a few weeks and are claiming his £151,000 a week wages back from the FA. Lampard, 31, who missed six weeks of last season with a similar injury is set to miss crucial league games against Arsenal and Manchester City, plus champions League clashes with Porto and Apoel Nicosia.

The FA are only receiving a £400,000 match fee for the friendly game, compared to an estimated £4m for Brazil, hence the need to cut travel costs, a saving they could end up paying heavily for. International friendlies are a thorn in many Premiership managers’ sides, while they appreciate the need for them, they don’t appreciate their tight schedules being interrupted by them. But why is the game being played in Qatar in the first place?

When Brazil played the opening game at the newly rebuilt Wembley stadium in 2007, the FA couldn’t afford their £1.2m appearance fee, so Brazil’s ‘match agents’ a company called Kentaro, agreed to pay it. This left the FA owing them a favour, and left arrangements for the return fixture up to them. Kentaro are staging the game where they could arrange the highest match fee for their South American clients, thus the game in Qatar.

So are there any benefits to England playing this friendly at all then? I’m sure Chelsea don’t think so, however it’ll be good for international fans to see Fabio Capello’s current team in action against the five times world champions.

There’s also the opportunity for FA dignitaries to rub shoulders with Mohammed bin Hammam, the Middle East businessman and current president of the Asian Football Confederation, but perhaps more importantly to England, one of the 24 strong committee members who will vote on which country hosts the 2018 World Cup Finals, of which England are making a bid. There is a downside to this however, Qatar are also bidding to stage the prestigious football tournament, so as I was saying…the exact point of staging this friendly in Qatar..? Oh yes… to further line the pockets of Kentaro and the Brazilian football team. I’m sure Roman Abramovich will be comforted by that thought.

Using a high SPF (Sun Protection Factor) will stop me from getting skin cancer.
The SPF only protects against the UVB (Ultra Violet B) rays that make your skin go red and feel hot, but don’t offer protection against UVA (Ultra Violet A) rays that penetrate deeper into your skin. Therefore you need a sun protection cream with a high SPF and a high level of UVA protection, 4 star is recommended.

‘Once a day’ sun creams will keep you safe.
They may protect you for longer than normal sun protection creams, but it still depends on how many times you are in and out of the water or how heavily you sweat, as to how long they will actually protect you for, so it is still advisable to re-apply them more than just once a day.

All SPF’s have been scientifically tested.
Sun protection creams sold in the UK must, by law, undergo stringent tests to prove they offer the protection stated on the bottle, however, face creams and moisture lotions that promise SPF protection are not legally required to prove it, so should not always be relied on to provide adequate protection on their own.

Skin cancer always shows up as a mole.
Skin cancer can occasionally look like an enlarged freckle or a mole; however some forms can look like a bruise under a fingernail, or even resemble a scaly patch of eczema. Any changes to your usual skin tone or texture should be checked by your GP.

Applying too much sun protection cream is not good for your skin.
Sun protection creams do contain a certain amount of chemicals but choosing a reputable manufacturer will ensure the protection it gives will far outweigh the damage that could be done by its ingredients.

Aftersun lotion minimises sun damage.
Aftersun products contain a multitude of antioxidants and vitamins that will soothe and nourish hot and dry skin, but can’t undo the damage that has penetrated the skins surface. Aftersun lotion may make your skin feel instantly refreshed and soft, however this is only on the surface, always use a high SPF and 4* UVA rating for deep down protection.

Most sun damage is done to the skin during childhood so there’s no point in worrying about it now.
If you were over exposed to the sun during childhood, you could have latent cancers under your skin so any added sunlight in later life could activate them. It is never too late to start protecting your skin properly.

Sun beds only damage your skin if you use them long term.
Just one session on a snubbed can increase the risk of skin cancer by a staggering 98%! Need we say more..?

The best protection to use is ‘total sun block’.
Total sun block simply doesn’t exist; the only thing that will keep out those harmful UV rays is a brick wall. Umbrellas, t-shirts, even windows still let damaging rays through; the best defence is to keep applying sun protection and to stay in the shade between 11am and 2pm when the sun is at its hottest.

You can just cover up burnt skin and keep on sunbathing.
Burnt skin is fragile and even more susceptible to prolonged damage so should be kept totally covered, and out of the sun, for 10-14 days to allow it to recover properly.

We all like to think we look and feel better with a ‘good tan’, but it’s worth taking a moment to think about how we would feel if over exposure resulted in one of us getting skin cancer, and perhaps take an extra few minutes a day to make sure we do everything we can to minimise this risk, especially on holidays abroad when we expose ourselves to exteme sunlight for longer periods of time.

AQUA FANTASY, TURKEY
Just 9km from Kusadasi, on Pamucak Beach, the Aqua Fantasy hotel itself has 2 pools, an adult one and a seasonal indoor pool, daytime activity programmes and evening entertainment. The fun really begins when you receive your free entry to the water park right next door with its 36 amazing slides and a wave pool that offers 10 different kinds of waves! From a sedate pirate ship on Treasure Island and friendly crocodile in the kids area, through the adventure river to the gravity defying Viper, Screamer and X-Treme; not for the faint hearted!
Official rating is 4* and this is an all inclusive resort.

DISNEY ALL-STAR RESORTS, FLORIDA
Choose from the All-Star Music, Sports or Movies Resorts, all located within easy reach of Disney’s Animal Kingdom and Disney World Resort where fun, fun, fun is the order of the day. The Movies Resort has a giant Herbie Love Bug car and enormous puppies from 101 Dalmations, the Sports Resort has American football, surfing, tennis, basketball and baseball themed areas while the Music Resort has giant saxophone, guitar and drum shapes on the buildings and a fantastic piano shaped pool complete with keyboard!! Children from 1 to 101 will love these over the top resorts where everything is larger than life, just as family holidays to Disney should be! Complimentary buses run to nearby theme and water parks making getting around while you are here as easy as child’s play!
Official rating is 3* and accommodation is booked on a room only basis.

HOTEL CARIBE, COSTA DORADA
This tropical style paradise is ideally located just a 10 minute walk away from the Portaventura Theme Park and Caribe Aquatic Park, a 5 minute drive from Salou and just an hour away from Barcelona. The hotel has 4 swimming pools, a children’s pool, a multitude of bars, cafés and restaurants, a fully equipped gym, Jacuzzi, sauna and spa. Special offers here also allow unlimited entry to Portaventura Theme Park with its phenomenal Dragon Khan roller coaster and scream inducing Tutuki Splash! There’s also beach volleyball, football and 3 brand new golf courses close by for those that prefer to be energetic on dry land.
Official rating is 4* and accommodation is booked on a half board basis.

AQUALAND, CORFU
This hotel boasts a games room, video bar, pool tables, tennis, table tennis, a gym, kid’s playground and aqua aerobics. It has a cocktail bar, roof garden bar and pool bar, internet corner, restaurants and also a daily bus service into Corfu town, that’s if you can drag yourself away from the amazing aqua park located right next door with free entry for all inclusive guests. A watery haven for the whole family, from white knuckle rides, lazy river and special kid’s area with mini slides and slippery octopus! There’s something to keep the whole family amused her at Aqualand, Corfu.
Official rating here is 3* plus and it is an all inclusive resort.

BINIMAR RESORT, CALA’N FORCAT, MENORCA
You could almost forget you’d brought the kids with you here, there’s so much for them to do! Dizzy the Dolphin and Shades the Shark, along with the kidsWORLD staff provide a packed activity programme to keep 3-11 year olds entertained both day and evening, while under 3’s can attend the kidsWORLD crèche, where they’ll be looked after by fully qualified UK staff. The Sunstar entertainment team provide a 14 night activity programme ensuring you’ll never be bored by the same thing twice. They also offer daytime fun for the whole family with poolside quizzes, shake down disco and soccer school with a fully qualified coach. The entertainment never ends from early morning until long after the sun sets; the Binimar Resort is the perfect place for the whole family to enjoy a fun packed sunshine holiday.
Official rating is 3* plus and accommodation can be booked on a self catering, half board or all inclusive basis.

HOTEL SOL PELICANOS/OCAS
A firm family favourite for many years, Benidorm attracts holidaymakers all year round due to its sizzling summers and mild Mediterranean winters. These two sister hotels offer double delights and a chance to visit the location of TV comedy series Benidorm which was filmed here. Between the two hotels there are 5 swimming pools (2 for kids), a sports activity pool and a ‘tropical lake’. There’s daytime activities including pool games and an excellent evening entertainment programme, all this, right in the throbbing heart of bubbly Benidorm.
Official rating is 3* and accommodation is booked on a half board basis with the opportunity to upgrade to full board.

APARTHOTEL AQUASOL, MAJORCA
Apart from the fabulous family facilities here at the Aquasol in Palma Nova, you have the added bonus of being able to book family rooms that sleep up to eight! The 3 bedroom apartments are excellent for larger families and those who all want to stay together. There’s a kids play area, summer First Choice Kids Academy, kids only section of the main pool, table tennis, pool table, bingo, quizzes, karaoke, live shows and a weekly barbeque, all this just 350m from the resort centre and Palma Nova beach, the perfect setting for family holidays and ideal for larger groups.
Official rating here is 3* and accommodation can be booked on a self catering or half board basis.

HOLIDAY VILLAGE RED SEA, EGYPT
Another First Choice Holiday Village but these places really do offer great value family holidays. This one has 6 swimming pools, including main pool with slides, quiet pool (acclimatised during winter) activities pool, children’s pool, swim up rooms and indoor Thalassic pool; so many choices! The In2action team offer non stop activities for those that want them, with raft building, kayaking, archery, high ropes and much, much more. There’s also a tennis court, table tennis, bowling, mini-football, basketball, volleyball and water polo. The First Choice entertainers offer games, party nights, pop shows, bingo, cabaret and karaoke, the family fun is never ending. Located right on the beach, jetties stretch out into the clear blue waters where you can spend many an hour marvelling at the colourful fish in the safe shallow waters, or venture a little deeper and try one of the great red sea diving experiences readily available in this area.
The official rating of the Holiday Village Red Sea is 4* and it is an all inclusive resort.

APARTHOTEL PARAISO DE ALBUFEIRA, THE ALGARVE
The extremely popular Paraiso de Albufeira on the sunny Portuguese Algarve offers fun and entertainment for young and old alike. There’s tennis, mini-golf, table tennis, pool and darts plus a full programme from the Sunstar entertainment team, which includes aerobics, aqua aerobics, football, French bowls and water polo. As the sun sets, the entertainment steps up a gear with karaoke, bingo, live music, family shows, party games, and mini disco, all this plus the chance for your little stars to shine in the Sunstars Stage and Soccer Schools. This fantastic hotel also has special offers for families with more than one child under 6 years old, so book early to bag a value for money, fun packed family holiday.
Official rating is 4* and accommodation is booked on a self catering basis with half board available at a supplement.

Please check opening times of hotel slides and water parks before booking as these can vary depending on what time of the year you travel.

• Seat kickers
There’s nothing more irritating than having someone (usually a restless child) sitting in the seat behind and constantly kicking the seat, even people standing up and grabbing on to it for balance is enough to send your G&T flying or wake you from your restful slumber.

• Talkative neighbours
Just as you settle back to enjoy the flight, headphones on, music channel selected, the ‘stranger’ next to you feels compelled to tell you their life history, the only polite escape is to hope they go to the toilet and feign sleep on their return.

• Smelly passengers
At least on a bus you can get off at the next stop if you have to, but at 32,000 ft you are trapped! There’s no escape! Sufferers of bad breath or BO have to be two of the worst people you could possibly find yourself sitting next to, the only solution, buy some duty free perfume and spray it liberally around the cabin.

• Armrest bullies
Who makes the rules as to who has power over the middle armrest? The cause of many an argument and elbow fight with people you know, but with strangers! How annoying when they take control, making you feel squashed and inadequate in your own seat! Again hope they go to the toilet and refuse to move your arm when they come back!

• Sneezers
Having to sit next to someone who is sniffling and coughing all over the place is my idea of hell. You board the flight after a wonderful holiday, feeling relaxed and healthy, only to be faced with an onslaught of snot flying at you at 100 miles an hour for the entire journey, you at least have triple pneumonia by the time you arrive home.

• Pungent picnicers
As I have said, I enjoy my flight meals and the smell of them wafting through the plane usually makes my mouth water in anticipation, however, what if you are sitting next to one of those frugal travellers who bring their own picnic on board? Cheese and onion crisps I can just about handle but egg sandwiches should be banned…!

• Drunks
Most airlines are very strict on not allowing passengers who have consumed too much alcohol to fly, but what about those who slip through the net or get drunk whilst onboard? There’s nothing more annoying than being with a drunk, especially when you are sober, they are loud, obnoxious and irritating, especially if there is more than one of them! You can only hope and pray they drink themselves into a very long, deep sleep.

• Unruly children
In fairness it is not always the unruly child that is the problem, rather the indifferent adult accompanying them. Flights can be long and boring for small children and keeping them amused is not always easy (I know, I have three of my own) but parents who blatantly ignore or do nothing to try to amuse their children are simply disrespectful and ignorant.

• Rude passengers
I hate the people who board a flight and expect the cabin crew to be at their every beck and call. Cabin crew have very specific jobs and a very limited timescale to fit them all into (especially on short flights) so someone screaming at them to bring more drinks etc is totally disrespectful. Put yourself in their shoes, you wouldn’t like it done to you, so don’t do it to them!

• Overhead locker hoggers
You’re on the plane nice and early, you’ve found your seats and placed your hand luggage in the overhead compartment directly above you, only to find your neighbour comes along, shoves your bags to one side and squashes his overfull rucksack on top of them, the worst thing is, its too high and heavy to move (especially for smaller people) to get to your own bag later. I bet he’s going to hog the armrest too…!

I could go on even more, but at risk of sounding like a grumpy old woman, I’ll stop there. I’m sure you have more of your own gripes you could add to this list too, but despite the smells, the noise, the rudeness and the germs, often the only way to enjoy foreign and luxury holidays is to trap yourself into a metal tunnel, lock the doors, and dangle precariously at 32,000 feet with a whole bunch of germ ridden, smelly strangers for a few hours, so I suppose I’ll do it all again next year. Either that or I’ll be on that plane first, tie my arms to both seat rests, put on a surgical mask, a ‘do not disturb’ sign, insert earplugs and settle back to enjoy a peaceful flight!

• What will the weather be like when I go away?
(Consular staff are not there to deal with weather reports…that is what the TV weather stations are for…)

• How can I deal with unruly children?
(That is what parents are for…)

• A woman who had travelled abroad for a breast enlargement operation, called to complain that she was not happy with the size of them!
(Did she expect the Consular staff to reduce them again for her…?)

• One mother called to ask if the staff in Florida could help her son pack and take him to the airport as he was feeling a little unwell
(I bet she still cuts his crusts off too…)

• A confused cook called to ask what ratio of fruit to sugar she should use when making Jam!
(Was she baking them especially for the Embassy staff…?)

• Another called to ask where they could buy a specific pair of shoes
(Perhaps ‘personal shopper’ should be added to the Embassy staff’s job description!)

• One man called to ask exactly who would be allowed to use his swimming pool on holiday
(Add swimming pool police to that description too…)

• Consular staff cannot help you locate lost sunglasses either
(Their radar vision does not travel that far…!)

• A traveller to Zambia wanted the high commission there to call work for him to tell them he had missed his flight
(Surely it was just as quick to call work himself…)

• And finally, Embassies cannot advise you on currency exchange rates
(Unfortunately that involves you making a couple of phone calls yourself, checking out the internet, or popping into your local travel agent… get off your butt…!)

British Embassies help over 35,000 British nationals with real emergencies every year, so perhaps think twice before making that call, do you really need them? Imagine not being able to get through when you are stranded abroad in a real life or death situation, because some silly fool has decided to ring them to ask how deep the sea is in Majorca…

Mexico
Nestling between the Gulf of Mexico and the Pacific Ocean, Mexico is full of life and colour, rich in history, and vibrant both above and below sea level. The world’s second largest coral reef lies just off the coast here offering fantastic diving opportunities. White sandy beaches stretch for miles and miles and the clear blue waters are ideal for snorkelling and water sports.
The unit of currency here is the Mexican Peso although US Dollars are widely accepted and the official language is Spanish. Flight times from the UK are approximately 9 hours and the time zone is GMT -5.

Turkey
Turkey sits proudly astride two continents; Europe and Asia, where traditional cultures sit nicely alongside modern values. Best visited between April and October, the stunning green mountains roll lazily into crystal clear waters creating some of the most beautiful coastline in the world. From bustling towns to sleepy villages, the scenery in Turkey is utterly breathtaking. The Turkish people adore children and families are always made to feel most welcome here. Currency is the New Turkish Lira, however many shops will advertise prices in Euros. A four hour flight from the UK will find you landing in Turkey where the time zone is GMT +2, and the official language is, of course, Turkish.

Egypt
The history of Egypt needs no introduction with so many ancient monuments and relics to see it’s difficult to know where to start. The only remaining seven wonders of the ancient world, the Pyramids of Giza are iconic and one of the greatest tourist attractions on the planet. But Egypt isn’t all about ancient history and a holiday to any of the Red Sea resorts will find you engulfed in vast sandy beaches and crystal blue waters. Diving and snorkelling are superb in this area with fantastic coral reefs and ghostly shipwrecks to explore.
Currency here is the Egyptian Pound but the Euro, US Dollar and Pound Sterling are all accepted, with tipping usually preferred in these currencies. Flight times are around 5 hours and the time zone is GMT +2, and you’ll find people speaking Egyptian Arabic, although English is also widely spoken.

Iceland
Set in the shivering North Atlantic, close to the Arctic Circle, Iceland is one of the most volcanically active countries in the world. Not sold on this one yet..? Well let me tell you that Iceland also has one of the most spectacular and breathtakingly beautiful landscapes that you will find anywhere beneath the moon! Known as the ‘land of ice and fire’, you’ll be spellbound by the inner lunar like landscape that contrasts with lush green valleys…but look to the skies and you will find Iceland’s real gem; the Northern Lights. From September to March, electrically charged patterns of colour flash above you creating one of the most natural phenomenon anywhere in the world, all this plus from the end of May to the beginning of August, Iceland enjoys an amazing near 24 hours of daylight. The capital Reykjavik is gaining a serious party reputation and is extremely popular for short city breaks so why not think of Iceland next time you are looking for somewhere a little different to go, and get there before all your friends do. Mmmm…got you thinking now haven’t I…?
Unit of currency here is the Iceland Krona, the official language is Icelandic; the ancient tongue of the Vikings and the time zone is the same as GMT, however they do not observe the summer daylight saving time (probably don’t need to with 24 hours of the stuff!) and the flight usually takes less then 3 hours.

Croatia
Stretching lazily along the Adriatic coast form Umag in the north to Cavtat in the south, Croatia is bursting with natural beauty. Secluded bays are dotted with lush green islands and historic whitewashed buildings are crowned with vibrant terracotta roofs that glisten warmly and brightly in the simmering summer sunshine. Croatia boasts no fewer than 6 Unesco World Heritage sites and over 100 Blue flag beaches. Enjoying a Mediterranean climate, Croatia benefits from high temperatures in the summer and is pleasantly mild during winter.
Croatia are hoping to join the EU by 2010, so get there quickly and discover this jewel in the Balkan crown before everyone else does.
The unit of currency is the Kuna, the time zone is GMT +1, and Croatian and Serbian are both spoken here, with flight times taking about 3 hours.

Cuba
From the crumbling colonial facades and troubled history of Havana to the lush green, unspoilt landscape of Holguin, Cuba can offer just about as diverse a holiday as you are ever likely to get. Lively and modern Varadero competes for your attention with the crystal clear waters of Costa Verde and the 30,000 pink flamingos that have made the Cayo Cocos their home, will simply take your breath away. The Spanish colloquial architecture and vintage American cars will make it appear that you’ve stepped back in time, but the beautiful sandy beaches and vivid blue waters will soon bring you back to a relaxing, paradise like reality.
The currency in Cuba is the convertible Peso and although the euro is accepted in some areas, the US dollar is not. Flight times are approximately 10 hours and the time difference is GMT -5, with the main language spoken here being Spanish.

Israel
Here’s another one I bet you didn’t see coming…perhaps not everyone’s first choice as a holiday destination due to it’s troubled past, but this just adds to the beauty and mystique of this country. With its unofficial capital of Jerusalem you’re never far from a bible story or two, crumbling temples or ruined cities. The Red Sea resort of Eilat offers temperatures in the low 30’s throughout the summer months and the wonderful offshore reefs produce superb diving and snorkelling opportunities.
Currency in Israel is the New Shekel, it will take you around 5 hours to get there, you’ll find Hebrew is the official language with English being widely spoken, and the time difference is GMT +2.

The Caribbean
Nestling just off the east coast of Central America between the Atlantic Ocean and Caribbean Sea, this cluster of over 7,000 islands offers year round temperatures, dazzling white sandy beaches and crystal clear waters. Explore secluded coves or visit bustling towns, dive to mysterious shipwrecks or sample the wares of aromatic coffee plantations, then lie back and relax with a refreshing rum cocktail and drift off to the sound of reggae, salsa or calypso music filling the warm summer air.
The currency and language will vary as to whichever of these beautiful islands you choose to visit, but flight times will be approximately 9 hours and the time zone is GMT -5.

Dubai
Anything the world can do, Dubai can do better…whichever way you look you’ll never cease to be amazed in Dubai, it’s hard to imagine that electricity, telephone lines and an airport were only introduced here in 1950, and it wasn’t until oil was struck in this region in 1966 that Dubai started to rise to the dizzy heights it still strives to exceed today. Towering skyscrapers, 7 star hotels and championship golf courses began to appear in one of the most arid places on the planet. The Jumeirah Beach area offers exclusive, ultra luxurious hotels and temperatures that exceed 50° during summer months. Luckily, they thought to build the indoor ski slopes as a fantastic escape from the sweltering heat and the Wild Wadi Water Park to enjoy hours of aqua fun and games.
Dubai currency is the United Arab Emirates Dirham, time difference is GMT +4, the native language is Arabic but with so many ex pats living here, English is very widely used.

Goa
Welcome to the smallest and one of the most tourist friendly resorts in India. Formerly a Portuguese colony and part of the 1960’s hippy scene, Goa has never lost it’s laid back spirit and relaxed outlook on life. From cheap flights and beach huts, to all exclusive luxury resorts, Goa has it all; Beautiful scenery, a rich culture and welcoming people. Wildlife plays a huge part in holidays to Goa with bird sanctuaries, botanical gardens, natural jungle habitats and elephant safaris.
Flights from the UK take approximately 11 hours, and the currency is the Rupee, however India has a closed currency and importing or exporting it is illegal meaning you have to change your money at authorised money changers within the country, US Dollars and Pounds Sterling are the easiest currencies to exchange. Some Goan elders still speak Portuguese from colonial days gone by; however the official language today is Konkani with English spoken in most tourist resorts. The time difference in Goa is GMT +5½.

Alphabet Story
This one is a good imagination game; the first person has to think of something beginning with the letter ‘A’, for example A is an Apple. The next person has to continue the story by saying something connected to the Apple, but starting with the letter ‘B’, perhaps B bought it, then C cooked it, D diced it, and so on. I’m not sure what Z could do with it, but hey, that’s all part of the fun!

Mystery Star
Player one thinks of a famous person, but does not tell anyone who it is. The other players then have to ask him or her questions in order to guess who the Mystery Star is that they are thinking of. Questions like ’Are they male or female?’ ‘Do they play sport?’ ‘Are they a politician?’ are often good starting questions. The winner is the person who guesses the Mystery Star first and then it is their turn to think of a person while the others guess.

First One To See A…
Take it in turns for someone to pick something unusual to spot, for example on a car journey it could be a tractor, yellow car, caravan or red bus. Train journeys could include water, farmhouses, motorways, campsites or animals. Air travel could be slightly harder due to the confined space, but with a little imagination and investigation…

The Shopping List
Ideal for those with good memories (note to parent…kids usually win this one!) The idea is to think about what you have bought at the shops and state it to everyone, for example “I went to the shops and bought an apple”. Then the next person has to say your item, and then add one of their own; “I went to the shops and bought an apple and a newspaper” You keep going until someone forgets the list…

Yes/No Game
This can be infuriating but fun. One person asks questions and the other person or people have to answer them without using the words ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s harder than you may think. “Do you like ice cream?” would have to be answered with something like “I do not”; the winner is the person who lasts the longest without saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

10 Second Story
Another story idea; take it in turns to tell a story, but you only have 10 seconds to tell your part and it must follow on from where the last person left off. If you feel 10 seconds is not long enough you could always change it to 20 or even 30, depending on how inventive you want to be.

Knock, Knock Jokes
Ok, when you’ve heard one, you’ve heard them all, but if my kids are anything to go by, they never tire of jokes. Children will usually get quite excited about the ‘new’ jokes they’ve invented – even those that aren’t even the remotest bit funny to us!

Word Association
The first person thinks of a word, then the next person has to say a word that they associate with the first persons, then the third person has to say a word they associate with what the second person said, still with me..? Perhaps player one will say ‘Aeroplane’ so player two could say ‘Holiday’, player three may think of ‘Beach’ and so on.

Eye Spy
Or ‘colour I spy’ for younger ones. This age old game can still provide hours of entertainment for children of all ages, and if your youngster is too young to spell, pick things that are of a certain colour, for example “I spy with my little eye, something that’s coloured green”, the others then have to guess things they can see that are that colour until they get the correct one. Be warned though, young children sometimes do not quite grasp the concept of the ‘I spy’ part, we learnt this having spent nearly half an hour trying to guess something that was coloured grey, it turned out we were looking for a spaceship! Patience is sometimes needed…

The Alphabet Game
One of our personal favourites; pick a topic, perhaps football clubs, or players, countries or television programmes, the first person has to think of something in that category that starts with an ‘A’, the second person a ‘B’ the third a ‘C’ and so on. Some letters are obviously more difficult than others, so alternate who goes first so the same person doesn’t always end up with the ‘Q’ or ‘X’!

I hope some of these games have sparked your imagination and will help your journey run much more smoothly. Family holidays are meant to be full of fun from start to finish, so let your imagination take over, and enjoy…

• Did you know, for instance, that in Australia it’s illegal to wear hot pink pants after mid day on a Sunday?
(Does this mean cold ones are ok?)

• Staying with the Aussies, it is also against the law to roam the streets wearing black clothes, felt shoes and black shoe polish on your face as this is the guise of a cat burglar.
(Particularly dangerous whilst worn with hot pink pants on a Sunday afternoon!)

• In China women are forbidden to walk around a hotel room naked, they can only be nude in the bathroom.
(I wonder who’s got the job of checking this law??)

• If you are planning on skiing in Switzerland, please take note that it is illegal for a man to relieve himself while standing up after 10pm.
(Seating room only on the piste…)

• In the French Antibes it is forbidden to photograph a police officer or police vehicles.
(Better check the background of those holiday snaps!)

• In Denmark, if you are eating in an Inn, you will not be charged for your food unless you feel you are full.
(It’s your word against theirs!)

• Try not to drop litter in Singapore as if you are caught three times you will be made to clean up the streets on a Sunday wearing a bib that states ‘I’m a litterer’.
(Better than my usual weekend attire…!)

• Be careful in Thailand as it is illegal to leave your house without wearing underwear.
(Is it ok to only wear your underwear then?!)

• In Hong Kong, a woman is legally allowed to kill her cheating husband but only with her bare hands; however she may kill his lover in any way she chooses!
(Being divorced from an adulterer…I’m moving to Hong Kong…!)

• Whilst holidaying in Israel, you must not take your bear to the beach.
(Presumably you can take him everywhere else!)

Don’t say we didn’t warn you…

• A well to do young couple booked a romantic getaway in a beach bungalow on the beautiful white Caribbean sands, and then promptly complained when they came home because they couldn’t get to sleep for the waves crashing on the shore.
(And the purpose of a beach bungalow is…?)

• An excited young family headed off to Lapland to see Father Christmas and his reindeers, only for the parents to complain that the brochure should have stated that the reindeer didn’t fly.
(I bet Rudolph’s nose wasn’t red either!)

• One tour operator received a grievance from a disgruntled traveller because the sand had been too hot to walk on.
(Guess he hadn’t heard of flip flops!)

• One young couple complained that the Rep hadn’t advised them to take swimming costumes or towels with them when they booked an excursion to the local water park.
(How silly of the Rep not to mention that bit…!)

• On returning from a Mediterranean break, a complaint was made that the local shops were closed during the afternoon and a suggestion added that this should be banned as the customer had wanted to buy things during this time.
(Let’s open the whole of Spain especially for them!)

• Having returned from India, a young lady complained that the food had been too spicy; commenting that ‘everywhere served curry.’
(Perhaps she should try Blackpool next year.)

• Someone else complained on their return that their holiday had been spoilt because the foreigners didn’t try to speak English.
(Like we make the effort to speak their language in this country)

• An amorous young couple, who had requested a ‘twin’ room but received a ‘double’, complained that this was the reason she had fallen pregnant whilst on holiday.
(Obviously there are no other methods of contraception in the world!)

• Upon landing back in the UK from Jamaica one customer complained that it had taken nine hours to return home, and questioned why it only took the Americans three!
(There really is no comment for this one…ok, the word ‘idiot’ springs to mind!!)

• And finally, some people don’t even wait to get home to complain, one tourist was overheard complaining on a cruise liner that they had requested a sea view room, and the only thing they could see was the car park!
(Yup, you’ve guessed it…they hadn’t even set sail!)

So enjoy your holidays, but take just a second to think about what you are going to nitpick about when you return home, just incase you end up in the next list of idiotic holiday complaints.